Only Human, Sort Of
by Red Witch
Summary: Goose ponders why he hangs around with the Series Five Rangers as they get him into another embarrasing situation.


**Goose hid the disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Galaxy Ranger characters. Just more ramblings from my demented mind because there's nothing good on television. **

**Only Human…Sort Of**

This job is driving me crazy.

Let me rephrase that, it's the **people** I work with that are driving me crazy.

They're the reason I'm cracking up. I know it. There's no other possible reason.

I'm Shane Gooseman, a Supertrooper who can scare perps into wetting their pants with a single growl, walk through laser fire unscathed and can take down Brontobears without breaking a sweat. I'm the toughest, meanest, nastiest Galaxy Ranger to ever cross a bad guy's path and more than half the universe is scared stiff of me. I don't need anyone or anything and anyone who gets in my way is dead meat.

So why the hell am I sitting with the Kiwi Kids having an invisible tea party?

And what's worse is most of my team mates are doing the same thing and **enjoying** themselves! Hell, Doc is practically the life of the so called party! This stupid thing was **his** idea!

And people say Supertroopers are crazy. HA!

I don't know how I got roped into this. I really don't. One minute I'm coming back from a mission, tired as hell. And the next thing I know I'm over run by the Kiwi Munchkin Brigade. Then Doc makes this stupid suggestion, Niko thinks it's a good idea and WHAM! I'm sitting down on a cushion at a tiny table while the Kiwi Kids are running around screaming about invisible tea and wearing funny hats.

Doc is hamming it up wearing some kind of top hat and pretending to drink tea with his stupid pinky stuck out! He's loving this! He's **nuts!**

Since when does my job description include being a babysitter for an ambassador's kids? Even if he is a friend of mine? And I thought being a bounty hunter was a pain.

Like I said, I wouldn't even be in this mess if it wasn't for my teammates. And it's not the first time they've gotten me in an embarrassing situation.

I don't know why I put up with them. I really don't. Well other than the fact that I'd probably be stuck in the Freezer if I wasn't with them. I mean I'm a Supertrooper. I'm not supposed to need friends or have feelings other than rage and anger.

But if **that's** true…

Then why do I feel so happy when I'm around them?

Why do I hang around while Zach talks to his kids and listen to them tell him stories about their day?

Why do I feel comfortable talking to Waldo and Zozo, two peace loving aliens?

Why do I feel so proud when Commander Walsh tells me what a good job I've done on a mission?

Why do I feel so good when I'm around Niko?

Okay maybe that **last** one isn't so hard to figure out.

Sometimes it takes all the self control I have not to throw my arms around her and hug her. Like that time I got shot into another dimension at Texton. When she threw her arms around me all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and kiss her until she passed out.

Of course if I **had **neither Doc nor Zach would let me hear the end of it. Zach would probably complain something about regulations and Doc would blab his big mouth all over the station. And I don't even want to **think** about what Commander Walsh and a certain bigmouth Senator would say or do if they had gotten wind of it.

Besides, playing it cool drives her as crazy as she drives me. Let her have a taste of what she does to me when she gives me those doe eyes of hers. Or that knowing patient smile she flashes whenever I feel like everyone else in the universe has gone insane and probably has. Or the way she unconsciously tosses her long auburn hair as it flows in the wind. Or the soft scent of her skin that's unperfumed but still lingers of vanilla, honey and some unknown flower. Or the touch of her hand on mine, soft and…

Okay, that's **enough** Gooseman! Getting off track here!

I mean it! I'm **not** thinking of this anymore! I have enough to deal with without getting distracted by Niko and how beautiful she looks and how good she looks in her uniform. How well it fits her body and shows off her large supple…

THAT'S IT! NO MORE OF **THAT!** BAD GOOSE! BAD GOOSE!

See what I mean? Not even with Darkstar did I have it **this** bad!

But if she thinks I'm just gonna roll over and beg she has another think coming! I'm not gonna lose my dignity to her! She's not going to win this contest! Not if I have anything to say about it.

I am not going to think about her right now! Okay! So I think she's cute! So we happen to have a lot in common and I can talk to her. So what? That's no reason to turn to mush over her!

Of course it does explain why I like being with her.

But that **doesn't** explain why I let her little furry friends climb all over me like I'm Mount Everest or something!

And why, please someone tell me **why** I **willingly** allow Doc to talk to me every day and listen to his bad jokes, outdated corny quips and his constant playful teasing? The fact that the man is still breathing and walking upright after calling me 'Goosie' one day is a miracle!

Every day I am with these people I feel the walls I've built around me slowly chip away. I find myself laughing more, **smiling** more for crying out loud. Supertroopers don't smile unless they're about to cut someone up into ribbons.

I'm also losing my killer instinct. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. That was the one thing I hated about being a Supertrooper. Oh yeah I can shoot as accurately as ever but instead of shooting to kill I usually shoot to wound or embarrass.

I tell you it's a lot more fun seeing a bad guy lose his pants because I've shot the suspenders off of him than killing him.

The point I'm trying to make is that I'm changing. I'm getting **soft.**

I'm actually spending more time with these people because I like it…I actually **enjoy **being with them than being alone. I'm starting to think of these people as some kind of surrogate family.

Yeah I know, Supertroopers aren't supposed to have families.

But I like it.

Oh it gets worse. As if I didn't get enough insanity during the day, Doc then decided that I needed a pet to keep me company at night! And what do I get? A bubble headed memory bird with a motor mouth that talks gibberish non stop.

If people found out I actually **enjoy** petting that stupid bird I will never heart the end of it! Fortunately for me no one believes **half **the stuff that comes out of that bird's beak. And if Bubblehead did say anything he wouldn't have a beak **period.**

So here I am, sitting around with my insane teammates with a bunch of hyperactive alien kids playing some stupid game. Even Zach has gotten into it the game. He's saying how much this reminds him of when his daughter was little. Great now my Captain is having fun acting like a fool. Am I the only one who thinks this is nuts?

By the stars if Kilbane or any other Supertrooper saw me like this they'd laugh their genetic behinds off.

I can hear them now, taunting me. Calling me a pet. I **hated** it when they called me that. I hated that even worse than Runt. That implied something even **worse** than being weak.

Am I becoming…Dare I say it…_**tame?**_

Oh no, no, no! This is **not** happening! No way! Not to me!

If these maniacs think I am just going to sit here like some kind of toy doll and take it…

"I love you, Goose!" Swee chirped as she threw her arms around Shane and hugged him.

Oh you have **got **to be kidding me!

Great now **all** the kids are hugging me like I'm some overgrown teddy bear. And sure enough Doc is laughing it up. This is so humiliating.

And of course they're looking at me with those big eyes and those cute little innocent faces of theirs…Innocent little kids that don't know any better. That don't know how dangerous I really am.

Freaking…Why do they have to **look** at me like that? I'm used to people looking at me in disgust or hate or indifference. But **this**…

They like me! They actually like me!

And my insides feel like they're being turned to mush.

Then I get a look at Niko giggling. But now she's giving me one of her grins. That grin that says, 'Yes we know you're the Big Bad Supertrooper, but you really are sweet'."

But instead of ticking me off like its **supposed **to it makes me feel really warm inside.

Really warm, and really…good.

Okay so maybe being a little soft isn't **that** bad.

But if Doc or anyone else talks about this I will **kill** them. Very painfully. I mean I have a reputation to maintain. Well not the kids obviously or Niko…

The way they're looking at me now is so different than how everyone else in the universe sees me. They don't see me as a monster. It's kind of nice for a change. I can't help but like it.

I'm only human…Sort of.

Just don't tell anyone that or I'll break every bone you have and use your body for doorstop.


End file.
